26 Years and Zero Relationships: A Glimpse into the Why
How many relationships you've had seems like an easy question to answer. Even easier is how quickly most people would be able to give a number. For me however, there's always a slight hesitation before I answer..zero. Immediately after hearing this comes the inevitable follow up: Zero? Why? The answer has to do with the specific (and several) criteria I look for in someone I wish to share my life with..
Chief among these criteria is finding someone I can be with without sacrificing my fierce love for my independence. I'm an Introvert at heart, and my alone time is often occurring and always cherished. It's how I stay sane. How I amass energy to appear lively and social in group gatherings. It cannot be understated how important it is for my lover not to interfere with this. The true challenge lies in finding someone who I equally want to be attached to. Sadly, this is easier to write than find. So many relationships's find their demise in the inability for the couple to spend time together. Despite having to wait longer than most to pursue a relationship, this is one criteria I cannot compromise on. It's one I never will.
Another criteria: kisses, hugs, cuddles, and so much more. Though an Introvert and being what some have described as ''standoffish,'' physical intimacy is another indispensable trait I look for in a lover. In my book, a sensual lover is the best lover. My partner must have a propensity to express their love through means of physical intimacy..I am an Italian man after all. While I understand physical touch isn't the exclusive means to express appreciation, it's that primal urge to connect physically that consumes me. My lover has to be someone who has this same tendency for physical intimacy. They must default to intimacy and appreciate all the connection that comes with initiating physical touch with a person you care for. Some may consider such a high standard for physical intimacy paints a relationship as superficial or dependent on physical appearances, but that's simply flawed. In relationships, there are emotions that are often stimulated which are expressed more powerfully through means of touch. And some of those feelings have nothing to do with sex. A lover who can understand this concept is one that's worth waiting for.
Criteria con't: take care of yourself. This is certainly one that runs common in people's preference for a lover. A partner who looks after themselves is a reflection of how they view themselves. For me, appearances matter a great deal. And someone who chooses to present themselves well to the world is something that I've always been attracted to. Your clothing, your grooming habits, your mannerisms, and how you carry yourself reveal a great deal about yourself. It's important that my lover is someone who demonstrates they've taken time to master themselves. A care for your appearance isn't narcissistic or shallow, but rather shows that you take yourself seriously. Personal habits that affect your physical appearance should be valued. It's a sure fire way to get noticed and being known as someone who cares about presentation can only be a plus. And don't even get me started on the intoxication that comes with wearing a good cologne..
Probably the most criticized criteria I have for an ideal lover is education. I have a strong preference for someone to have the same level of education as myself. I'm in law school and so I'm pursuing a Juris Doctor, one of the highest degrees in academia. Of course their degree needn't be a law degree, but a fellow doctor degree is appealing. Upon learning of this, ''Elitist'' and ''Snob'' are labels often teased and thrown my way, but elitism is far from the reasons I have. For me, an ideal lover is one that can challenge and stimulate me intellectually. Someone who can push the boundaries of my thinking and encourage me to always treat life as a class you never graduate from. One of the desirable aspects that gets not only my mind, but heart fired up, is endless debates and intellectual banter. Seduce my heart and you've got a date, seduce my mind and I truly fall head over heels. It's also crucial in this digital age where disinformation and conspiracy theories run rampant, that I fall for someone whose armed with an education that immunes them from such horrors. For all these reasons, I'd like to think that a criteria of education doesn't carry the brand of an elitist or a snob.
All of these are just the essential factors I look for in a lover, and while combined with the remaining ones it might make me appear overly selective, they are ones I truly value. I of course don't deem those who don't meet them lesser in any way, that is not how I was raised. But the beauty in choosing who get to call your lover is one that we all get to set on our own terms. And these are mine.
