Penetrator Privilege: A Deep Dive Examination into the Pampered Role of “Giving”
When you think of privilege and the benefits that come with it, do you often think of sex? It’s probably not your first thought. In a reliably social-discoursed culture you’re likely to ponder about racial and class inequities. Perhaps, the vast advantages of the wealthy upper classes? But here are two words above any that follow that I want you to remember from this humble, new concept: penetrator privilege. Of course, you’ve likely already acknowledged the fact that the “givers” in bed possess advantages owed to their penetrative disposition. However, have you honestly analyzed the concept at length to understand how deep this privilege presents? If not, then stay and read awhile..
Let’s begin with the preparation disparities between the “giver” and the “receiver”. Countless women have irritatingly testified to the lengthier time to prepare for sex than men. They shower, shave, exfoliate, moisturize, and glamorize. In the midst of their preparation rituals, their penetrator leisurely hops into the shower, only to languish under a stream of hot water for about 5 minutes. Should the woman get lucky, a spritz of cologne may follow her penetrator’s bathing. Penetrator..privilege. The time difference between the woman and her penetrator’s hygiene rituals could be a gap of hours. But, this time difference speaks to an all too often unspoken deference to the penetrator’s performance. The time disparity in preparation between the two roles casts a far greater importance on the giver’s pleasure. What should be an act that seeks to balance the amorous appetites of both partners, shifts greater consideration to the penetrator’s lust. Though this relationship type is not the only one to experience unfair leverage during sex.
This power dynamic isn’t just confined to straight couples, but finds truth in gay relationships as well. Penetrator privilege traces its power to the act of penetrating itself, not a penetrator’s sexuality. In gay couples, there is naturally always a “top” and a “bottom”. The former embodies the role of the penetrator, the latter the penetrated. And just as women scoff with reluctance acceptance at the reality of the preparation gap, so do bottoms. Bottoms must plan and prepare their pre-sex rituals in advance of their penetrator. This parallels the uneven preparation ratio between men and women in straight relationships. Meanwhile, the top enjoys the unearned benefit of bathing and preparing in a fraction of the time. And just as the man’s pleasure is prioritized in straight relationships, so is the tops’ in gay couples. Penetrator..privilege. More particular to gay culture, namely gay culture in America, it is generally agreed upon tops are less common found than bottoms. This additional ratio only aggregates the laurels that are conferred upon tops, and by extension, penetrators. A running joke in the gay community, one that perhaps contains a degree of truth, is a single top is worth five bottoms. With bottoms in far greater number than their penetrator counterparts, their roles in sex are diminished while the top’s is bolstered with heightened lust. The reality of this distribution only empowers tops, as they can afford to be more selective in their choice of mates. Penetrator..privilege.
Before I wrap up this particular conceptual argument, I do want to highlight a narrow instance in which women, specifically straight women, possess penetrator privilege. Though I pause to ponder whether in this circumstance they possess, what may be more aptly called, “pegger” privilege. I am of course referring to the sexual act of straight men being penetrated by their female partner armed with a strap-on phallus. This presents as a specific power dynamic, one by which straight men invest a higher degree of trust in their partners than they do when traditionally operating in their accustomed penetrator capacity. It undoubtedly requires a greater capacity for vulnerability. This instance serves as the only time when straight women may experience a taste of the cushioned life of penetrator privilege. Are they so wrong to enjoy it?
Apart from differences in sex preparation and sub-focus on sexual role distribution, another reasoning perpetuates penetrator privilege. One that is of a more mental disposition. Psychologically, it takes great vulnerability and trust to allow someone to enter your body. You essentially grant your mate permission to assume control of your own autonomy, to a degree. In exchange for the physical pleasure the penetrated party seeks, vulnerability and trust must be paid. For the penetrator, their pleasure is at many times arrogantly anticipated upon confirmation of mutual attraction. Penetrator..privilege. As many of the jokes go, at the end of sex it is commonly jested that women are far more “swoon” over their mates than their penetrator. This post-climax euphoria is also mirrored in bottoms, who often become “obsessed” with their tops. Though a deeper meaning lurks beneath all the superficial teasing. That meaning manifests in the connection that undeniably takes root after someone you trust and feel attraction towards cums inside your body. The connection is more than merely physical, but assumes a psycho-romantic presence as well. Because the very essence of the penetrator remains inside you. So it’s no wonder that straight women and gay bottoms develop a quasi-lasting attachment to their penetrators. It would take an unfeeling sociopath not to. All of the mainstream cultural jests: girls stealing their boyfriend’s sweatshirt to inhale the lingering scent, bottoms scooting their butts back into their top’s pelvis whilst cuddling, and all the others stem from a very real truth. The truth that all this influence, and the role of power in sexual dynamics, originates from the pampered role of “giving”. Penetrator..privilege.
Even beyond the deep romantic connection that ensues when your penetrator cums inside you, the pampered role of the penetrator is pandered to in day-to-day life. Bedrooms aside, the outside world often champions the status of penetrators to a much larger degree. In the form of idolized male physiques, superhero caricatures, or tidal waves of women swooning over male idols such as Shawn Mendes or Harry Styles. It is with all of this that I say with the sincerest modesty: the world is essentially obsessed with penetrators. Yes, we all rally to quell an arrogant Hollywood actor and we humble certain folks when the need arises, but, the fact still remains. I suspect the main cause for this is that beneath the surface, many people seek to be taken care of in the most primal, intimate way. To shed their tough exterior they use to inure themselves to the vulgarities of our present time, and just give in. With that in mind, what could be more primal and self-surrendering than to trust yourself to a partner in the dominant, sexual role? That’s the whispered desire I believe many people tuck deep down within themselves. That’s why penetrators embody such as pampered role. Penetrator..privilege.
