Covenant or Family: Where Should our Loyalties Lie?
Most of us have heard of the saying ''blood is thicker than water.'' What many don't know, however, is this is only a fraction of the notorious proverb. The full phrase being ''The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.'' This more or less suggests that bonds made through friendship and fraternity, possess more value than those whom we share blood with. Family or friends, which social circle holds the stronger bond? For many, this might seem all too easy to decide. The side crowned victorious being family. The one group of individuals who we create memories with before anyone else. Their our first brethren, literally, and best friends who we spent decades growing alongside with. Though what of the bonds we make as the years of high school and college pass. What of the bonds we make with others who we may share more with than our own siblings, our own family. It almost seems to be an entrapment of guilt when you first ponder the idea. Although for myself, and I'd speculate for many others as well, we can easily name two, three, perhaps even four friends we have more in common with than our family. That these friends have more in common in experiences and perspectives than the water we've shared in the womb with our siblings.
Before I get into the meat of it, let me say that my love for my family is indispensable. With that said, I can't deny the fact that there are people in my life who i've created stronger bonds with than perhaps my two older brothers. The three of us were at many times inseparable in our childhood years. As we grew, however, while our ages remained a mere year apart, our personalities couldn't have diverged more. Each of my mother's three sons would grow to adopt a completely individual personality. Ones molded by the experiences we chose to chase, the interests we pursued and the people we chose to trust. This all led to the development of three almost entirely different characters, each one with a story unlike the other.
I've speculated this was the main influencer in my relationship with my older brothers being weaker than some special people in my life. I would also assume that my scenario is one that might be shared with many other siblings. So with all that being said, should the ties of the womb be denser in value than the relationships we selectively build as we age? To give a candid answer, my answer is no and let me tell you why.
First, let's focus on the blind loyalty that often comes with titles. We all have at least one: mother, father, brother, sister, son and daughter. These titles, while instantly forming a bond between us and another, reinforce the blind ideal that we should be loyal to our family above all else. That whatever experiences we may build with others later in our lives, could never topple the rank of one's family. This blind ideal conceitedly fails to grasp the importance of shared experiences, passions and interests that may bind us to those who we don't share ancestry. In lieu of its ability to understand the strength of shared experiences, family titles can distort our view of who we feel most truly bonded with. It demands blind allegiance to individuals whom we may differ, and potentially feel less connected to, than relations built later in life. This isn't to say that parents and siblings aren't entitled to unconditional love or loyalty, rather highlights the shortcomings their titles may reveal.
Second, families can be flawed. This point is self-explanatory yet deserves a deeper approach. We all can certainly name one friend or person whom we know of, that may have a rougher family life than our own. Just as diseases such as alcoholism, drug use, domestic abuse and child neglect can infect any individual, the same of course can be applied to families. These are perhaps the most keenly felt grievances within family circles. It's instances such as these that demonstrate how the water of the womb can be far less thicker than the blood of the covenant. It's these very instances that beg the question: what of the water of the womb when you have an abusive father? What of the water of the womb when you have a narcotic--addicted mother? What about your alcoholic brother, your self-destructive sister? Should the water you shared in the womb maintain its density? Families are the first group of individuals you learn your values from, as well as your morals. They're among the first people you put faith and trust in. To protect and raise you. If they fail, no matter how few times or too many, do the ties of the womb prevail? It's probably in your best interest that they do not.
Third, never underestimate the power of shared experiences and memories made. This one of course can be a two-sided coin, however, the conditions under experiences made between family and friends are different. You're first real memories and experiences are undoubtedly made alongside family. Birthday celebrations, family gatherings at holidays, summer barbecues, all of these are alongside your kin. When you finally reach 18, a whole new set of experiences await. You depart your family for college and dive into a social environment you've likely yet to experience. Chances are you've also never been in such a diverse environment as well. One full of different faces, coming from all kinds of backgrounds and walks of life. One that exposes us to a crowd that will influence our development and challenge our worldview. During this time, and even after, these experiences will be more unique than the ones we've made before. These will be experiences by choice. That is the singular factor that sets them apart and makes them so strong. We'll find a new best friend, build new interests and adopt new passions. We'll travel abroad and see the world with others, an experience that constructs incredible relationships. We'll change as time goes on, owing our new identity to those we've met as the years passed by. For when we choose our experiences and the memories we make, that is when we discover who we feel most bonded with. Who we actually are. Free from any obligation or pressure to affiliate with someone we don't desire to. That's why experiences by choice matter, and that is why the relations we build by choice are often times stronger.
At this point I feel the need to say that the ties to one's family are unbreakable. That isn't, however, reason enough to balance the scales between bonds of blood and those made by choice. The ties we choose to form, as opposed to those we feel an obligation to maintain, will always triumph the latter. This is only reinforced when we examine the reasoning behind the bonds we've made by choice. Whether that be shared experiences, mutual passions and interests, or if family aren't always the ones we can lean on. Whatever the reason, the blood of the covenant can only be thicker than the water of the womb.
